After You Die...

OK,

I don't want to vent too much here, but to all who read this PLEASE, PLEASE prepare for your death BEFORE IT IS IMPENDING!!!!

I. Decide what you want done with your body after you die, then fill out and sign the paperwork that is necessary for that to be done. (To ensure that it will be done)

II. Decide who you want making decisions for you if you are unable to do so yourself and PUT IT IN WRITING!!!! (so that the state doesn't decide for you)

III. Decide whether you want to be brought back and or put on life support and PUT IT IN WRITING!!! (This will keep your "Next of kin" from being accused of murder and/or euthenasia)

IV. Decide what you want to happen to your pets and your property and put it in a will!!!

I am writing this because my natural father is going to die... it could be two weeks or it could be before I finish this blog entry. Either way, I am going through A LOT of drama to love (in the true definition of the word - because I'm not emotionally attached to the man) a man who never loved me. Because of his lack of planning ahead and putting things in writing, I am spending alot of time and money that could be put to better use. EVERYTHING I am doing is something that he could have done himself MONTHS ago! SHEESH!!! This stuff is stressful. Imagine if I was also torn up about him dying! GREAT DAY!!!

SO, moral of the story.... If you love those who are around you, prepare for your death - even if it is not in sight right now. It saves those around you alot of grief.

ALONG SIMILAR LINES...

Death is coming for you. You don't know when, and I hope it is a LONG way off for you, but it is coming. The Bible says that we live once and after that, we will be judged (Hebrews 9) and that God looks at your heart when He judges your actions (Jeremiah 17). Are you a good person? Do you think you've kept the 10 commandments?

1. Has God always been first in your life?

2. Have you made up your own god to follow? (either with your hands or in your mind)

3. Have you ever used God's name in vain?

4. Have you always honored the things of God?

5. Have you always honored your father and your mother?

6. Have you ever killed anyone? Wait... The Bible says that if you are angry without cause, you are in danger of judgement (Matthew 5) and if you hate someone then you are a murderer in your heart (I John 3)

7. Have you ever committed adultery? Jesus said that if you have looked at someone lustfully, you have committed adultery with them already in your heart (Matthew 5)

8. Have you ever stolen anything?

9. Have you ever told a lie? Even a "White Lie?"

10. Have you ever been envious of someone else or what they have?

Did you pass the good person test? It's hard isn't it? only one person has ever passed it. It was Jesus Christ. He came down from Heaven, was born to a virgin and lived a good life. Good by God's standard, which is moral perfection. He lived this perfect life and was killed in our place to take the punishment for us NOT living a perfect life. Three days after he was killed for us, God raised Him from the dead, so that we too can be rescued from the hold of sin (which is law-breaking) and death.

You broke the Law and Jesus paid your fine, it's that simple!

If you trust Him, the way you would trust in a parachute, and turn away from your selfish (and "not good") way of life and live the way God wants you to, God will forgive you and grant you Eternal Life. THAT is how you prepare spiritually and soulishly for your death.

PLEASE be prepared in all three parts of you!!!

Distance Schmistance!!!

Due to some recent events, and others that are impending, I have been thinking a lot about the issue of "distance" in relationships. Natural family relationships, Spiritual family relationships, and Soulish family relationships all can have the issue of distance cloud them.

Well, first let me define the above relationships:

Natural family:
Your human biological family. Your parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, etc...

Spiritual family:
Born-again believers in Jesus Christ have all been adopted into the family of God (John 1:12-13, Romans 8:16, Romans 9:8 & Galatians 3:7 among others) - Jesus said that God's children love Jesus (John 8:40-42) and that if you love Jesus, you will obey Him (John 14:15). Elsewhere, Jesus said that those who do the Will of God are His family (Matthew 12:50 & Mark 3:35)

Soulish family:
The soul (your thoughts, your emotions, and your decision-making - or "will") connects with others throughout the course of your life. Those with whom you bond become more than natural family or friends, they become Soulish family. Soulish family is about connection: in thoughts, emotions or by an act of your will - these people cease to simply be friends or just biologically linked to you. They are more. They are family.

***It is important to note that these families can be, and usually are, interwoven. They are by no means mutually exclusive.***

OK, Now that we understand each other let me just say that I have never had the experience of having a person be all three kinds of family. I hope to, but it hasn't happened yet. No one in my natural family is also spiritual family. Out of 23 living natural family members, only 7 are also soulish family. The largest section of family that I have is spiritual family: every born-again believer in Jesus Christ is included there. I have about 49 spiritual and soulish family members.

I have had many people (that were more than one kind of family) move away. I've also frequently been the family member that is moving away! It always stinks, but it is seldom (if ever) as serious as it feels. When you have a soulish connection with someone, you are always going to hurt when they move to another city, state, or country. It is natural. The wonderful thing about living in the time period in which we live is the methods of communication. We can instantly communicate with someone around the globe. Is it the same as physically looking at someone who is sitting on the couch next to you? No. But I know that relationships can grow and even flourish in the midst of distance. My brother Chris and I talk more now than when we lived together and it would take me 5 hours to drive to his house!!!

The point I am trying to make here is that, while the increase of physical distance is definitely unpleasant (and can fill your emotions with a sense of loss that hurts), it is not necessarily a barrier to growth or intimacy in a relationship. The will to continue to love someone and to be available in their life is all that is necessary (but it is necessary on both sides). Family is for life!!!

My "Potential Wife" Grading Scale

I was feeling dumb and decided to write out "MY grading scale" on how I evaluate a "potential wife."

This should give you an idea of how important things are to me.

On this scale, 1 point = 1% confidence that she is my wife.

100% confidence will put me on one knee with a ring in my hand.

- 50 points - Is her heart SET on following the LORD?

Those 50 are ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY and they are first.

- 10 Points - Physical Beauty (on that proverbial 1-10 scale) Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder and since God is good, I believe that my wife will be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen (as I behold her). I simply do not believe that God will bring me a wife that I do not see as a 10!!! So, if you are not a 10 to me, I will not ask you out.

The next 15 are in no particular order.

- 5 Points - Believes in Biblical gender roles within marriage (Ephesians 5:21-33, Colossians 3:12-19, & I Peter 3:1-7)

- 1 Point - Has a great personality (AND it meshes well with mine)

- 1 Point - Has a great sense of humor (and can handle all of my silliness)

- 1 Point - She is VERY intelligent (at least as smart as me - however smart that is? )

- 1 Point - She loves kids and wants kids of her own

- 1 Point - She has a kind heart

- 1 Point - Is she valued among her friends (do her friends just kinda see her as one of the girls, or does she stand out?)

- 1 Point - Is she willing to nag me about stuff I should be doing?

- 3 Points - Does she handle stress well?

- 25 Points - Do I believe that she is the One God made for me?
This is last on the list because this is what I am trying to find out after I ask her out - ie: the purpose of dating. These are the points that will "seal the deal" (for lack of a better expression). Of these 25 points, 10 belong to "confirmation" by my spiritual grandfather (since my spiritual father is in South Carolina) and my brother , Chris, and his tremendous wife, Hyo Chin

As a general rule, I'd say that I have to give her at least a 60 to ask her out. During the first date, that point total has to reach 65 or there won't be a second date. After it hits 65, I will let her know that my intentions are to find out whether God would have us get married. I'm not trying to put any pressure on the relationship, but I do want to state the purpose of me asking for her time and attention. That's part of MY Biblical gender role, to bring direction and servant leadership to the table. I'm going to be asking for a lot of her time and attention and she deserves to know why. Obviously, if she says that she is not interested in pursuing marriage with me, there is NO WAY I'll climb above 75% and I will IMMEDIATELY cease to see her as a "potential wife."

*** At 70% confident, I'll start introducing her to friends and family.

*** At 80% confident, I will begin "looking" at rings.

*** If I reach 90% confident, I'll take her to meet Grandpa (if she doesn't know him already by that point).

BY THE WAY - There is NO WAY I'll climb above 89% if she isn't fellowshipping with me by that point.

*** If I reach 95%, I'll buy the ring and take her to meet Chris and Hyo Chin.

Do you feel priveliged to know this about me?

The Husband Store

one of the friends of my book's MySpace site posted this. I thought it was both sad and funny. What do you think?

The Husband Store!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

1) You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

2) There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . . . you may:
A) Choose any man from a particular floor
B) You may choose to go up a floor
C) You cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . . .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and help with the housework.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, help with the housework, have a strong romantic streak, and are good-looking.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. "Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!"

What floor would I be on, do you think?

Venting on behalf of male Massage Therapists!!!

OK, on behalf of any Massage Therapist and more specifically male Massage Therapists who are "legit" I have to say to the ladies:

1) We are not checking out your body while you are on the table.

There is plenty of work for us to do and, while we do not have doctorates, we are focused on giving your muscles a chance to recuperate a little from the stress of your life. We have seen every type of body before, there is no reason for you to be embarrassed or to think that we are giving a second thought to your form. We are not there to "check you out."

2) Please do not proposition us!!!

All men are not dogs. We are not all trying to have sex with whoever will let us! The marriage proposals happen WAY too often and are a little unnerving. Meanwhile, saying "will you have an affair with me" (or more bluntly descriptive versions of the same sentiment) is just weird!

3) Please let the professional in the room set the nature and level of bodily contact

What does this mean?

First, my body belongs to the LORD and to my future wife! PLEASE DO NOT GRAB ME!!! I understand that at certain points during the massage, my "masculine parts" are closely within reach, but THAT IS NOT AN INVITATION FOR YOU TO "HANDLE" ME!!!! It is rude. It is not what I'm there for. And, it is technically sexual assault!

Second, if I say get under the sheet, GET UNDER THE DAGGONE SHEET!!! I don't need you to uncover your breasts for me to be able to massage your pectoral muscles! I don't need you to flash me for me to be able to work on your thighs and gluteal muscles. I will uncover what I need to uncover and nothing more. I do need to uncover parts of you while I am working on you, but let me do it!

4) Please don't broadcast the occurrence of any biological reactions

If you have an orgasm, I am happy for you, but that was NOT an intentional result of my massage. Please do not loudly share that with anyone who is in my office when you leave the massage room! And if you have multiples, PLEASE don't give me a nickname because of it!!! That is just wrong! (and it is embarrassing) I have a name, please call me by it.

OK, I think I'm done.

Please ladies!!!

Help us to overcome the stigma that prostitutes have given to the massage profession. A Massage Therapist is an Health Professional. We do accept tips, but sexual favors are NOT TIPS!!! We are not whores, please do not treat us as such. Thanks!

Decisions, decisions

OK, here is what I'm thinking. There is more to this, just ask if you want to know.

Romans 12:5 intimates that we, as born-again believers in Jesus Christ, belong to one another. There are people who are not very happy, to say the least, at my impending move to Atlanta. I have prayed a lot about this:

*** I know that God has told me to go to Chiropractic school. He has not, however, told me to go now.

*** I know that if I leave now, I will graduate sooner. However, if I leave now, it will hurt the feelings of people that I love.

*** I know that everything at the Chiropractic school is taken care of already (Admissions, Financial Aid, and Housing), but none of that seems too hard to push back a quarter or two.

*** I know I am moving out of the place where I live now at the end of June whether I go or not. But if I go, I wont have to look for another place in Richmond.

*** I know that every reason that I would go now is either selfish or being moved by money:

As a Chiropractor, I know Ill be able to support my wife and whatever children the LORD gives us. I am not excited about having it be a long time before I can do that.

My finances are beyond tight right now and moving to ATL will alleviate some of that.

It is definitely the easier route to take, there are fewer uncertainties inherent in moving to ATL now

Ya'll know, I am not one who shies away from impending hardship if I believed that God was leading me through it. I am not going to do something just because it would be "easier." Furthermore, I dont want to be moved by money. I cannot serve both God and money and, hopefully, its obvious to everyone who knows me that my choice will always be to serve God.

Like I said, I believe (and it was confirmed several times) that God wants me to go to Chiropractic School. I do not believe that He wants me to go now. It was always simply my preference to go now. Honestly, this was because I was in a hurry to be able to make enough to support a family. In my mind, it has been hard to see myself as husband material because I am so poor. God help me!!! That statement sounds so shallow to me!

I feel kinda like Paul when he wrote that it would be better for the Philippians that he loved if he stuck around longer. (Philippians 1:23-24 - Obviously, he was talking about staying alive, but I believe the principle is the same. He desired to depart, but he knew that his preference was self-motivated and because of his love, he wanted to stick around longer does that make sense?). Selfishly, I would like to begin my schooling and get my pre-requisites finished. However, I love these people more than I love myself and that is what love is (I John 4:10). Love is self-sacrificing. And the attitude of Jesus that we are encouraged to emulate in Philippians 2 (verses 1-16 but especially 3-4) further demonstrates this. As does I Corinthians 13. The point is clear. If I loved only myself, I would be going.

That is not the case.

I need to stay.

Please pray for me. I need to find a new place and I need to find gainful employment

Understanding Gethsemane

Is there anything as frustrating or painful as taking the punishment for what someone else has done?

I remember as a child, my sister would have all of her friends over during the summer days while my mother was at work. Without fail something would either get broken or they would end up doing something stupid like using a cup as an ashtray and not washing it afterwards. Also without fail, my sister would say, "Joe did it." And my mother always believed her. I remeber being so frustrated because there was absolutely nothing that I could do to prove my innocence.

Have you ever been in a situation where you say or do something, and someone overreacts in a BIG way? If you haven't I would be surprised. All of us have had someone hurt us. Most of us have had someone that we love desert us or stab us in the back in some way. Those are the wounds that cut the deepest, aren't they? Those are the ones that seem to linger for years. When someone, who is well-meaning, happens to do something that sparks that memory or puts you in a similar situation, it is EXTREMELY hard not to revert back to the pain of the original instance. This is the kind of thing that can start a fight or even end a friendship. It hurts, and it seems SO hard and SO unfair. Why should I have to deal with your bitterness or pain over what someone I've never met did to you? Why should I endure the pain and the punishment that is caused by someone else's sin.

Right?

On a mountainside, in a lush garden, almost 2,000 years ago, Jesus Christ dealt with this same thing. The difference is, what we deal with is, normally, taking the brunt of the sin of one or two other people. If we are honest, we have sinned enough in our lives to deserve any punishment. We deserve to go to Hell, based on our own righteousness. But this Jesus, was completely sinless and He was dealing with ALL of the sins, that EVERYONE else had committed, EVER!!!

"This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (I John 4:10) Therein is the definition of love. You can find a good description of love in I Corinthians 13, but it is defined here. Jesus Christ was willing to go through the beatings, the mockings, the crucifiction, the death, not only that, but He was also willing to go through the anguish of taking the blame for what we did. In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus cried out with pain coming out of emotions that we all face when someone lashes out at us or responds to us based upon someone else's sins. "God, do I have to go through this? I didn't do anything wrong here!" But He left the garden resolute in His decision to go through whatever He had to. His love for us was so great. It didn't matter who was at fault, He would take the punishment that would bring us peace. He would be mistreated so that we could see the love of God.

Are you willing to do that?

Obviously, we don't need to die on a cross, but we do need to die to ourselves. This is what I have heard called "Bloodless Martyrdom," it is setting aside your rights and allowing yourself to be abused in order for someone else to be able to see the love of God. Sometimes the people in your life will react to you based on what someone else has done. Are you willing to take it and love them through that? Are you willing to be like Jesus?