The IBM or Me?

I can't believe I'm quoting Vanilla Ice!

"Drop that zero and get with the hero!" - Vanilla Ice in some horribly bad movie he was in, I remember it from watching the trailer back then

I was again watching my favorite movie and I realized something. In a lot of love stories (Romantic Comedies), there are two men that the woman must choose between. One is usually great. He has everything that she's been looking for, as far as qualities go, but there is no chemistry, no excitement, no spark. The other is not what she thought she wanted at all, but there is a spark that she cannot deny. As an audience, I think we always tend to get behind the guy where there is a spark, and we root for her to choose him!

Why is that? Are we being conditioned through the movies we watch to believe that there can only be a spark with men who do not have the qualities we seek? Are we being conditioned to believe that the "good men" are boring? What exactly does this say about us as a culture and is it possible that the USA Divorce Rate is connected to this?

Another question I have is, how should a guy react when he doesn't really know which side he is on in a woman's eyes?

I have been watching a lot of these love stories in the last two weeks and I have naturally been seeing myself on the side of the man that the woman decides to come back to, but what if the woman views you on the other side? Watching these movies for her, would have a dramatically different effect. I don't know, really. I know movies are just movies, but I also know that emotional stories that are written well can have a profound impact on our soul.

I know I have the qualities that will make for a good husband and father. What I don't know is if I am also on the side where sparks fly. When I am with her and I look into her gorgeous brown eyes, my heart tells me "yes, there is a spark here." It seems like when we are together, all the world is right, but when we aren't there is something wrong that we just can't shake. I don't understand why that is. I guess we will see.

Who am I more like?

Lon or Noah?

Mark (the IBM) or Brian?



The great thing is that I don't need to know the answer yet. Love is patient and I will wait until I feel like God is telling me to move on. I am "built" for love. Love does not shrink back from difficulty, tough situations or pain. I know that there was a time before me, I know that that time produced pain. That pain has to be dealt with. Emotions need to be healed. Shoot! I have things that God is working on me about. This past week has been really hard! Not just because I miss communicating with this tremendous woman of God (and, honestly, the sound of her voice) but because God has been showing me some things in my prayer time that were pretty serious!


More on that in a different blog

Dimensions

How high and how wide?
How deep and how long?
How sweet and how strong is your Love?
How lavish your grace?
How faithful your ways?
How great is your Love, Oh LORD?!

You know. I love my prayer life. It is vibrant and I can hear God clearly and no one but He and I know how much time I spend alone with Him! However, there has been an intensity to the last two weeks of prayer that we have not had to have in quite a while. God is purging my heart to another level. He is drawing me in even deeper and I love it!!!

In the midst of one of the most emotionally draining and painful times in my life, I have a peace and a joy that makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE! Oh, I still have times of prayer where I am crying so hard that my ribs and abs are fatigued from convulsing with tears and writhing in pain, but it is all OK. I know it may sound weird, but it is fun to be in pain on behalf of someone you love. It is an honor. God has been using this situation to take me to new levels of trust, faith and love. I am receiving His love more than ever before. He's always been trying to give me more, but now God has been able to open my heart more and I can accept it more now than I could have ever before. I am so thankful!

Just in the last 3 days, God has done so much SIGNIFICANT stuff in my soul, that it took me about 45 minutes to tell Chris about it tonight. His love is so gentle. He has never forced Himself upon me, but He is always there, ready to give me more. His love is so strong, that I cannot receive it all. It is so strong that it shows me how unworthy I am and I want to be more like Him. It is so strong that I know that my unworthiness doesn't cross His mind. The more I receive it, the more it can flow out of me. I am so humbled by how Good God is to me and all I can do is stand here and cry and say, "Thank you Jesus!"

Do you love me?

I have been completely honest with you, and opened wide my heart to you. I am not withholding my affection from you, are you withholding yours from me? As a fair exchange... open wide your heart also. I love you! (paraphrase of the principle from II Corinthians 6:11-13)

I will gladly give you all I have and spend myself as well. Still, I wonder, if I love you more, will you love me less? (paraphrase of the principle from II Corinthians 12:15)

This is the heart of God, to continue to love, regardless of whether the "loved" will return the love. It is the heart of God to serve and give without end.

In fact this is what love is. God defined love in I John 4:10. Love is the willingness to sacrifice and allow yourself to go through pain, humiliation, torture, and hell itself for the person you love.

Then I Corinthians 13:4-8a gives a great description of love - and I'm sure we've all heard it:

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love is not envious

Love is not boastful

Love is not proud

Love is not rude

Love is not self-seeking

Love is not easily angered

Love does not keep a record of wrongs

Love does not delight in evil

Love rejoices in the truth

Love always protects

Love always trusts

Love always hopes

Love always perseveres

Love never fails

The only reason for love, is love itself. It is ALL ABOUT the person who IS LOVED

As a Christian, I am called to love others as the Father loves Jesus and AS JESUS CHRIST LOVED ME (John 13, 15 & 17)

As a husband, I will be called to love my wife like Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5)

As a father, I will be called to love my children as the Father has loved Jesus and as He has loved me.

This is a tall order, and there is nothing more frightening than completely baring your heart to someone who may or may not return your love and affection, but I am determined to love like Jesus loved and allow whatever happens to happen. How will people see and know the power of the love of God if it is never displayed in a man? The same love and power that rose Jesus from the dead is living in me! It is truly no longer I who lives here, Christ is living through me in a greater measure each day.

What's my point?

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Distance Schmistance!!!

Due to some recent events, and others that are impending, I have been thinking a lot about the issue of "distance" in relationships. Natural family relationships, Spiritual family relationships, and Soulish family relationships all can have the issue of distance cloud them.

Well, first let me define the above relationships:

Natural family:
Your human biological family. Your parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, etc...

Spiritual family:
Born-again believers in Jesus Christ have all been adopted into the family of God (John 1:12-13, Romans 8:16, Romans 9:8 & Galatians 3:7 among others) - Jesus said that God's children love Jesus (John 8:40-42) and that if you love Jesus, you will obey Him (John 14:15). Elsewhere, Jesus said that those who do the Will of God are His family (Matthew 12:50 & Mark 3:35)

Soulish family:
The soul (your thoughts, your emotions, and your decision-making - or "will") connects with others throughout the course of your life. Those with whom you bond become more than natural family or friends, they become Soulish family. Soulish family is about connection: in thoughts, emotions or by an act of your will - these people cease to simply be friends or just biologically linked to you. They are more. They are family.

***It is important to note that these families can be, and usually are, interwoven. They are by no means mutually exclusive.***

OK, Now that we understand each other let me just say that I have never had the experience of having a person be all three kinds of family. I hope to, but it hasn't happened yet. No one in my natural family is also spiritual family. Out of 23 living natural family members, only 7 are also soulish family. The largest section of family that I have is spiritual family: every born-again believer in Jesus Christ is included there. I have about 49 spiritual and soulish family members.

I have had many people (that were more than one kind of family) move away. I've also frequently been the family member that is moving away! It always stinks, but it is seldom (if ever) as serious as it feels. When you have a soulish connection with someone, you are always going to hurt when they move to another city, state, or country. It is natural. The wonderful thing about living in the time period in which we live is the methods of communication. We can instantly communicate with someone around the globe. Is it the same as physically looking at someone who is sitting on the couch next to you? No. But I know that relationships can grow and even flourish in the midst of distance. My brother Chris and I talk more now than when we lived together and it would take me 5 hours to drive to his house!!!

The point I am trying to make here is that, while the increase of physical distance is definitely unpleasant (and can fill your emotions with a sense of loss that hurts), it is not necessarily a barrier to growth or intimacy in a relationship. The will to continue to love someone and to be available in their life is all that is necessary (but it is necessary on both sides). Family is for life!!!

My "Potential Wife" Grading Scale

I was feeling dumb and decided to write out "MY grading scale" on how I evaluate a "potential wife."

This should give you an idea of how important things are to me.

On this scale, 1 point = 1% confidence that she is my wife.

100% confidence will put me on one knee with a ring in my hand.

- 50 points - Is her heart SET on following the LORD?

Those 50 are ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY and they are first.

- 10 Points - Physical Beauty (on that proverbial 1-10 scale) Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder and since God is good, I believe that my wife will be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen (as I behold her). I simply do not believe that God will bring me a wife that I do not see as a 10!!! So, if you are not a 10 to me, I will not ask you out.

The next 15 are in no particular order.

- 5 Points - Believes in Biblical gender roles within marriage (Ephesians 5:21-33, Colossians 3:12-19, & I Peter 3:1-7)

- 1 Point - Has a great personality (AND it meshes well with mine)

- 1 Point - Has a great sense of humor (and can handle all of my silliness)

- 1 Point - She is VERY intelligent (at least as smart as me - however smart that is? )

- 1 Point - She loves kids and wants kids of her own

- 1 Point - She has a kind heart

- 1 Point - Is she valued among her friends (do her friends just kinda see her as one of the girls, or does she stand out?)

- 1 Point - Is she willing to nag me about stuff I should be doing?

- 3 Points - Does she handle stress well?

- 25 Points - Do I believe that she is the One God made for me?
This is last on the list because this is what I am trying to find out after I ask her out - ie: the purpose of dating. These are the points that will "seal the deal" (for lack of a better expression). Of these 25 points, 10 belong to "confirmation" by my spiritual grandfather (since my spiritual father is in South Carolina) and my brother , Chris, and his tremendous wife, Hyo Chin

As a general rule, I'd say that I have to give her at least a 60 to ask her out. During the first date, that point total has to reach 65 or there won't be a second date. After it hits 65, I will let her know that my intentions are to find out whether God would have us get married. I'm not trying to put any pressure on the relationship, but I do want to state the purpose of me asking for her time and attention. That's part of MY Biblical gender role, to bring direction and servant leadership to the table. I'm going to be asking for a lot of her time and attention and she deserves to know why. Obviously, if she says that she is not interested in pursuing marriage with me, there is NO WAY I'll climb above 75% and I will IMMEDIATELY cease to see her as a "potential wife."

*** At 70% confident, I'll start introducing her to friends and family.

*** At 80% confident, I will begin "looking" at rings.

*** If I reach 90% confident, I'll take her to meet Grandpa (if she doesn't know him already by that point).

BY THE WAY - There is NO WAY I'll climb above 89% if she isn't fellowshipping with me by that point.

*** If I reach 95%, I'll buy the ring and take her to meet Chris and Hyo Chin.

Do you feel priveliged to know this about me?

The Husband Store

one of the friends of my book's MySpace site posted this. I thought it was both sad and funny. What do you think?

The Husband Store!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

1) You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

2) There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . . . you may:
A) Choose any man from a particular floor
B) You may choose to go up a floor
C) You cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . . .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and help with the housework.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, help with the housework, have a strong romantic streak, and are good-looking.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. "Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!"

What floor would I be on, do you think?