Friday, June 9, 2006

Distance Schmistance!!!

Due to some recent events, and others that are impending, I have been thinking a lot about the issue of "distance" in relationships. Natural family relationships, Spiritual family relationships, and Soulish family relationships all can have the issue of distance cloud them.

Well, first let me define the above relationships:

Natural family:
Your human biological family. Your parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, etc...

Spiritual family:
Born-again believers in Jesus Christ have all been adopted into the family of God (John 1:12-13, Romans 8:16, Romans 9:8 & Galatians 3:7 among others) - Jesus said that God's children love Jesus (John 8:40-42) and that if you love Jesus, you will obey Him (John 14:15). Elsewhere, Jesus said that those who do the Will of God are His family (Matthew 12:50 & Mark 3:35)

Soulish family:
The soul (your thoughts, your emotions, and your decision-making - or "will") connects with others throughout the course of your life. Those with whom you bond become more than natural family or friends, they become Soulish family. Soulish family is about connection: in thoughts, emotions or by an act of your will - these people cease to simply be friends or just biologically linked to you. They are more. They are family.

***It is important to note that these families can be, and usually are, interwoven. They are by no means mutually exclusive.***

OK, Now that we understand each other let me just say that I have never had the experience of having a person be all three kinds of family. I hope to, but it hasn't happened yet. No one in my natural family is also spiritual family. Out of 23 living natural family members, only 7 are also soulish family. The largest section of family that I have is spiritual family: every born-again believer in Jesus Christ is included there. I have about 49 spiritual and soulish family members.

I have had many people (that were more than one kind of family) move away. I've also frequently been the family member that is moving away! It always stinks, but it is seldom (if ever) as serious as it feels. When you have a soulish connection with someone, you are always going to hurt when they move to another city, state, or country. It is natural. The wonderful thing about living in the time period in which we live is the methods of communication. We can instantly communicate with someone around the globe. Is it the same as physically looking at someone who is sitting on the couch next to you? No. But I know that relationships can grow and even flourish in the midst of distance. My brother Chris and I talk more now than when we lived together and it would take me 5 hours to drive to his house!!!

The point I am trying to make here is that, while the increase of physical distance is definitely unpleasant (and can fill your emotions with a sense of loss that hurts), it is not necessarily a barrier to growth or intimacy in a relationship. The will to continue to love someone and to be available in their life is all that is necessary (but it is necessary on both sides). Family is for life!!!

Friday, June 2, 2006

My "Potential Wife" Grading Scale

I was feeling dumb and decided to write out "MY grading scale" on how I evaluate a "potential wife."

This should give you an idea of how important things are to me.

On this scale, 1 point = 1% confidence that she is my wife.

100% confidence will put me on one knee with a ring in my hand.

- 50 points - Is her heart SET on following the LORD?

Those 50 are ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY and they are first.

- 10 Points - Physical Beauty (on that proverbial 1-10 scale) Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder and since God is good, I believe that my wife will be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen (as I behold her). I simply do not believe that God will bring me a wife that I do not see as a 10!!! So, if you are not a 10 to me, I will not ask you out.

The next 15 are in no particular order.

- 5 Points - Believes in Biblical gender roles within marriage (Ephesians 5:21-33, Colossians 3:12-19, & I Peter 3:1-7)

- 1 Point - Has a great personality (AND it meshes well with mine)

- 1 Point - Has a great sense of humor (and can handle all of my silliness)

- 1 Point - She is VERY intelligent (at least as smart as me - however smart that is? )

- 1 Point - She loves kids and wants kids of her own

- 1 Point - She has a kind heart

- 1 Point - Is she valued among her friends (do her friends just kinda see her as one of the girls, or does she stand out?)

- 1 Point - Is she willing to nag me about stuff I should be doing?

- 3 Points - Does she handle stress well?

- 25 Points - Do I believe that she is the One God made for me?
This is last on the list because this is what I am trying to find out after I ask her out - ie: the purpose of dating. These are the points that will "seal the deal" (for lack of a better expression). Of these 25 points, 10 belong to "confirmation" by my spiritual grandfather (since my spiritual father is in South Carolina) and my brother , Chris, and his tremendous wife, Hyo Chin

As a general rule, I'd say that I have to give her at least a 60 to ask her out. During the first date, that point total has to reach 65 or there won't be a second date. After it hits 65, I will let her know that my intentions are to find out whether God would have us get married. I'm not trying to put any pressure on the relationship, but I do want to state the purpose of me asking for her time and attention. That's part of MY Biblical gender role, to bring direction and servant leadership to the table. I'm going to be asking for a lot of her time and attention and she deserves to know why. Obviously, if she says that she is not interested in pursuing marriage with me, there is NO WAY I'll climb above 75% and I will IMMEDIATELY cease to see her as a "potential wife."

*** At 70% confident, I'll start introducing her to friends and family.

*** At 80% confident, I will begin "looking" at rings.

*** If I reach 90% confident, I'll take her to meet Grandpa (if she doesn't know him already by that point).

BY THE WAY - There is NO WAY I'll climb above 89% if she isn't fellowshipping with me by that point.

*** If I reach 95%, I'll buy the ring and take her to meet Chris and Hyo Chin.

Do you feel priveliged to know this about me?