Four Letter Words

Please excuse the rough language in the following story... I would have deleted them, but the story wouldn't be the same. (Keep reading - you'll laugh)

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well", said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh mama", she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic"......Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home! PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sarah, Sarah", her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter. "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook..."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother

The Stages of Acceptance

Other than the cursing, I feel this giraffe's pain... HA HA HA HA

I think Robot Chicken has hit the bottom of stupid!

Robot Chicken - 5 Stages of Acceptance

Animal Diaries

I thought this was cute :) The cat reminds me of Stewie from Family Guy:
A Dog's diary

6:00am - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.


Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.


Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
:)

Why?! OH WHY?!!!

Why does it feel so strange for someone to:
- Be who they say they are?
- Do what they say they are going to do?
- REALLY LOVE YOU?

Why does it make you want to run away when someone makes you feel so good?

I wish I could say that I have never run away because something was too good

Father, please help me to understand that I don't have to deserve your love to receive it. Please help me to understand that YOUR DECISION to love me is what makes me "worthy." It is your love and you can give it to whoever you want!!! Help me to stand there and press through my own discomfort in being loved so powerfully and lavishly. Your love will never leave me, so I don't have to fear that it will be taken away from me if I get "too comfortable!" Learning to live in your love will take me to greater levels of walking in the freedom that is ALREADY MINE in you! Help me, LORD!

This is a PARTICULAR brand of sillyness

I'm sorry... This never fails to crack me up. I saw this in the theater with Butta and I was laughing so hard during this scene that was kicking the seat in front of me, saying "Stop! I can't breathe!"

Evan's unique newscast

Just in case you want to support a brother!

I'm really focusing on school and on selling copies of my book to help offset the cost of said schooling SO, if you would like to support a brother, and read what is (in my opinion) a really good book. Go buy a copy or two... or 10

Since I am a first time author and not very well known, my book will probably not be on the shelves at your local bookstore.

HOWEVER, if you go to the customer service desk at your local bookstore, they CAN order one for you so that you wouldn't have to pay shipping.

IF YOU WANT TO GET IT ONLINE, you can do so at any of these websites:

My Publisher's Website


Barnes & Noble:

Amazon:

Walmart:

ChristianBook.com

A? Did you say A?

WOW!!!!

Considering I feel like I didn't understand A THING, I'm pretty darn happy! I got an A in Chemistry 111!!! And it happened without a tutor!

You can't tell me that God doesn't love me!!!!